Each time my calendar turns, I take a moment to feel completely. Usually it's awe—a ridiculous composite of wonder and fear. It's almost a spiritual experience, and to be honest, it occurs more frequently than on the first of the month.

Whenever I stop and let my brain do its thing, I hear the same string of observations:
"It's November? This year went by so fast. My life is insane. What am I doing? This might be the best year yet, though. I DON'T EVEN KNOW."

And this all happens in two seconds.

It may be a little early to recap and reflect on this year, but I really am constantly in awe (wonder and fear) of what is happening.

The fear stems from my understanding that I have not grown as much as I could have in the past year, that many personal goals remain unmet, and that many days host uncertainty.


Ah, but here's the wonder: somehow, regardless of the facts above, I'm still living my life. And it is good. Good should never be a first-rate descriptor for something so beautiful, but there are so many feelings involved that it's hard to know where to begin. So, good it is.

Wonderful things are still happening to me. At some point during each slight mental breakdown regarding what the hell I'm doing with my life, I realize that I just have to do it however I know best.

I've always said my life motto is "fake it til you make it." But this year, I had an epiphany.

No one knows what they're doing, ever. Adults have lied for centuries about knowing exactly how to navigate this life. Laugh if you must at this hyperbole, but recognize that truth, and live your life.

So, that is what I'm doing.

 Heavenly father

Is all that he offers

A safety in the end

bon iver, heavenly father

(please listen to this cover)

I'm currently catching up on this weekend's General Conference.

I'm excited to dig in to those spiritual nuggets,

but for now, I'm just grateful for a lot of things.

(NYC/Sundance)

I'm a writer.

I've been in hibernation for too long and it's difficult to feel the flow. 

There was a time when a sentence would form in one breath, 

but now I breathe hundreds—thousands—before it makes sense.

Journal writing has gotten easier.

I found something that works for me. But it's still hard to be vulnerable in public.

I want to be, though. I need to be.

I'll be around.

if this vacation was a snapchat filter

i had three weeks off of work in june, which was a little blah,

but i got to go home for a week!

i mostly went on runs (which was good cause the abundance of horseflies actually made me run),

went to the beach, and watched hgtv with my mom.

i also cleaned out my old room and that was buckets of fun.

i'm a winner! some of these are for softball & tennis, but most of them are for honor roll, 

perfect attendance, and writing. so now you know how cool i was. 

when i was young and angsty, i loved this spot in my little town.

i accidentally took this on a run one night, but i'm a little obsessed.

my step dad gave me this old camera of his, and one day i'll have enough money to restore it. 

i can't get over how classy it is.

and i leave you with the artistic brilliance of 2.5 year old Erin:

#merica

finally.

i'm a little bit in denial that it's the end of july and my favorite holiday is way over.

i'm not going to lie, i was a little sad at the prospect of not being in utah for the fourth.
it's a pretty great place to be during the summer.

but i got over it cause, dc, duh.

we went into dc in the morning to catch a parade and eat homemade pop tarts. do yourself a favor and get the peanut butter bacon.

then after a nap and the customary outfit change, i barbecued with my favorite cousins in virginia, and we watched some magical fireworks with the mall in the background and i officially called the day a success.