freaky, girl

my family and friends are going to be so sick of listening to this pretty soon, but it keeps coming up...

i'm 18.  most of the time i don't feel old.  yes, i can buy dry ice and call the numbers on infomercials, but it doesn't feel real yet.

then...  then, things are put into perspective.  my oldest sister got married at 18.  i have friends who are getting married, and i see girls i looked up to two years ago that are married.

don't worry, i'm not making plans now, but it's days like today when i have young women's lessons on 'preparing to be an eternal companion', and my awesome leaders make us huge pink crowns to wear around to remind us that we're princesses, and i think about where i'm going next in life, and i think about it... and it's trippy!

this could be me.  am i ready?  will i be in six months, or a year, or even two?

i know everything will happen right when it should, but i'm nervous.

but mostly excited.  nervous and excited.  [finally found this quote!  everyone was doubting me.  from 10 Things I Hate About You: "I'm just so nervous.  You know?  And I'm also very excited.  I'm nervous and I'm excited.  It's all very mixed up.  I don't know..."] 

don't ask me why i think about this all the time. i'm a girl. that's the only excuse i need, right?

anyway, just thought i needed to let y'all know how weird this is.

and that there are only 115 days until i graduate.

and that there's only (crossing my fingers) a week until i find out if BYU wants me.

and that i love this weird january/february utah weather.

i walked home from church in 45 degrees today.

and it was hot.

and that i'm going to the gym in 8 hours (too soon),

so i'll have to say good night:)