October

There was not one bad day in all of October.
It's not like I was expecting any; I just had lofty expectations.

On the 9th day I went to the airport in the dark, and woke up to the most incredible sunrise over Cincinnati.
I can't even begin to describe the depth of the colors and the way the light sparkled.

Just a few hours later, our pilot declared that we must all look out our windows right now. It was a funny moment--never have I heard a pilot insist we observe the whole descent into the Salt Lake Valley, but we did and I would have watched for hours.

I decided right then that if I had to pick a favorite day out of 31, that would be it. 

And it wasn't even 10 am.

mulligatawny

You know when it's finally late summer and not the middle of, and you're sweating 5% less, but it makes all the difference? And you throw yourself into everything that is not summer?

I made this soup 3 times in September.
I'm basically saying I ate this for approximately 50% of my meals in September.

I'm a huge fan.
---

A few warnings:
I like my curry really curry-y.
This is not a real recipe. Curry puts me in a trance and it just kind of happens.
---

Chop an onion and saute in pot with coconut oil and (about or at least) 2 Tb curry powder,
until things get pretty and smell good.

Add chicken broth (half a pot? 4 cups-ish?).

Add your choice of chopped vegetables:
carrots (always)
celery
potato
sweet potato
literally whatever sounds good

Simmer for a few minutes to give those carrots a head start,
and mix in a handful of rice (I actually just stick my hand in the rice bag and throw it in),
and one diced apple (anything crisp or tart or left in your fridge).

Simmer some more!
Until it's done.

Then stir in a can of coconut milk and try not to eat the whole pot.

Variations:
lentils, chicken, dash of cayenne, etc.

the answers

[part one]

I have none.

I'm buying a lot of round trip tickets this year.

Who knew living paycheck to paycheck was so fun?

Moral of my story:

It's hard, but absolutely good.

I don't know what I'm doing, but I'm doing it anyway.

photo credit: Ahlstrom Productions

brooklyn, ny

everyone has a song, or two

a song you drive to

a song that makes you

feel

my summer song was the same as a million others'

my night song was cliche

but you were listening to Sam Cooke

dark eyes focused on my shady refuge

shoulders unapologetically leaning away from yours

a light changed

a smile, a wave

and Sam Cooke was gone

the question

By December 31, I will have visited Utah four times in 2014. 

The number of days spent in its borders hovers around one month. 

Why don't you just move back?

When are you moving back?

Just move back.

I hate to even say I'm visiting because I'm forced to remember I don't belong.

Not right now.

That fact isn't inherently bad. 

I have a home that I love.

It's just that I have many homes that I love.

photo credit: Ahlstrom Productions

My sterile, rented walls act as a vision board. Words barely held up by polka dot tape.

"I have left my heart in so many places"

Each time my calendar turns, I take a moment to feel completely. Usually it's awe—a ridiculous composite of wonder and fear. It's almost a spiritual experience, and to be honest, it occurs more frequently than on the first of the month.

Whenever I stop and let my brain do its thing, I hear the same string of observations:
"It's November? This year went by so fast. My life is insane. What am I doing? This might be the best year yet, though. I DON'T EVEN KNOW."

And this all happens in two seconds.

It may be a little early to recap and reflect on this year, but I really am constantly in awe (wonder and fear) of what is happening.

The fear stems from my understanding that I have not grown as much as I could have in the past year, that many personal goals remain unmet, and that many days host uncertainty.


Ah, but here's the wonder: somehow, regardless of the facts above, I'm still living my life. And it is good. Good should never be a first-rate descriptor for something so beautiful, but there are so many feelings involved that it's hard to know where to begin. So, good it is.

Wonderful things are still happening to me. At some point during each slight mental breakdown regarding what the hell I'm doing with my life, I realize that I just have to do it however I know best.

I've always said my life motto is "fake it til you make it." But this year, I had an epiphany.

No one knows what they're doing, ever. Adults have lied for centuries about knowing exactly how to navigate this life. Laugh if you must at this hyperbole, but recognize that truth, and live your life.

So, that is what I'm doing.

 Heavenly father

Is all that he offers

A safety in the end

bon iver, heavenly father

(please listen to this cover)

I'm currently catching up on this weekend's General Conference.

I'm excited to dig in to those spiritual nuggets,

but for now, I'm just grateful for a lot of things.

(NYC/Sundance)

I'm a writer.

I've been in hibernation for too long and it's difficult to feel the flow. 

There was a time when a sentence would form in one breath, 

but now I breathe hundreds—thousands—before it makes sense.

Journal writing has gotten easier.

I found something that works for me. But it's still hard to be vulnerable in public.

I want to be, though. I need to be.

I'll be around.

if this vacation was a snapchat filter

i had three weeks off of work in june, which was a little blah,

but i got to go home for a week!

i mostly went on runs (which was good cause the abundance of horseflies actually made me run),

went to the beach, and watched hgtv with my mom.

i also cleaned out my old room and that was buckets of fun.

i'm a winner! some of these are for softball & tennis, but most of them are for honor roll, 

perfect attendance, and writing. so now you know how cool i was. 

when i was young and angsty, i loved this spot in my little town.

i accidentally took this on a run one night, but i'm a little obsessed.

my step dad gave me this old camera of his, and one day i'll have enough money to restore it. 

i can't get over how classy it is.

and i leave you with the artistic brilliance of 2.5 year old Erin:

#merica

finally.

i'm a little bit in denial that it's the end of july and my favorite holiday is way over.

i'm not going to lie, i was a little sad at the prospect of not being in utah for the fourth.
it's a pretty great place to be during the summer.

but i got over it cause, dc, duh.

we went into dc in the morning to catch a parade and eat homemade pop tarts. do yourself a favor and get the peanut butter bacon.

then after a nap and the customary outfit change, i barbecued with my favorite cousins in virginia, and we watched some magical fireworks with the mall in the background and i officially called the day a success.

written on 6/14/13:
I sold my old iPhone on KSL this week. By that I mean, I had it posted on KSL for 24 hours (and 16 calls/texts) when a boy from my freshman ward came over to buy it from me. Because I'm lazy and directing strangers to my house feels weird. No, I will not drive two hours to sell you something. Anyway.

I have two roommates currently planning weddings. It's fun. It really is. It makes me embarrassed that I know so much about planning weddings, and also I wish more people would ask my opinions. Cause I have some real good ones right now!

I'm eating a bowl of mashed potatoes in the living room while everyone around me is doing said wedding planning. So, my life is real exciting.

today:
I cracked my iPhone screen at work last week. It's a miracle it didn't happen before now. So, now I'm shopping for a phone case that I actually like, while open heart surgery is being performed on the kitchen table (for the phone, duh). Ugh, technology.

Friends are still getting married and I love it. Yay, Pinterest. Why am I not a wedding planner?

It's noon and I haven't eaten a single thing today. This random anxiety that makes it difficult to eat is getting out of hand. 

I started my new job 8 days ago.
Training is three solid weeks of me using my brain more than I did in college. All day, every day.
Except for weekends. And today.

The point is, I'm tired, but slightly less stressed than I was 8 days ago. We're all good.

Today I get to do all the things I don't have time to do for the next week and a half.
Like running. And getting my pool pass! And trying to figure out what to pack for lunch.
I'm also planning to get a mall massage and a pedicure, cause treat yo self.

Here's my problem with pedicures: the exact same conversation occurs every time.
"Why are your nails so short/little?"
"That's just how they are."
"You should grow them out."
"They don't really get any longer than that (also, that's gross)..."
*continues staring at my toes*
"So can I get a discount for my baby toes?'
*various death stares*

I guess I'm not funny.

NYC highlights

- I made everybody listen to this song as we drove into the city and it was magical.

- Computers & Cameras! Jk. Late Show, though!

- We didn't go see good ole David, but we did see Cinderella! Carly Rae was out that night, but Fran Drescher was amazing, and who knew so many ex 30 Rock guests were on Broadway?!

- Late night Halal from THE HALAL GUYS. It was like 11 pm, and there were lines a block long. That is what dreams are made of.

- Stalking my Mormon mommy bloggers at Stake Conf. at the temple church.

- Levain Bakery. It took me a whole 24 hours to finish that dang cookie (I got the dark chocolate chocolate chip). So worth the 4 or 5 dolla bills.

- Top of the Rock. SO GREAT. Apparently cheaper, less crowded, and a way better view than the Empire State (also, you get to actually see the Empire State). Empire State selfie seen here.

- Walked through Times Square, which was a little eh, and then strolled and sat in Bryant Park, which I loved.

- On our subway ride to the Staten Island Ferry, a group of old men got on our nearly empty train and sang This Little Light of Mine. It was fabulous.

- Wafels & Dinges, Alice's Tea House, a tiramisu cannoli (funny story: the only cannoli I've ever had was in Italy, and I did not love it, but Little Italy made things so so right), and The Melt Shop. The adults went out for their anniversary one night, so the little girls and I ventured out for some dinner. Buttermilk fried chicken grilled cheese w/ red cabbage slaw and rosemary tots. You guys.

- And finally, the view from our hotel room at night. The last night we were there I couldn't stand it, so I went on a walk and it was beautiful.

lost my groove again.

selfie with the empire state building.

one day i'll tell you all about it.

THIS GIRL.

my initial excuse for this trip was that my fave little sister* turning 18 at the end of march!

*maddy may technically be my cousin, but we're not big on technicalities over here. if you've lived together as long as we did, you're sisters.

it didn't work out for me to be there exactly on her big day, but that turned out to be a huge blessing.

my timing was pretty dang perfect and i'm proud of that!

we had sleepovers all week long, and her reaction to me showing up will forever be one of my favorite moments.

 

basically counting down the days until i get to see her again, except this time, i'll be sleeping over in her dorm room! 

i have the best family ever.

i went to temple square with my girls and it was the best ever.

almost done with utah posts, i promise.

the sunday i was there, i went to church in slc with these ladies,

& then we napped and walked temple sqaure.

and it was beautiful outside,

so it was basically the best sunday in history.

it was really nice and interesting to just walk and talk about life,

but also about the gospel.

i mentioned during my relief society lesson a few weeks ago

that discussing the gospel with people i love and who share similar feelings as i do,

is how my testimony grows the most,

and that made the day even better.

*the clipboard in the God's Plan picture was found outside of a movie screening room in the temple visitor's center.

it still makes me laugh.

PTOWN

you may or may not know that i'm a little obsessed with provo.

i feel like that's hard for people who haven't lived there to understand.

because byu & provo are the same, right?

but i feel like i have popped the dang bubble and i am in love!

(remember that all of my friends are there and i'm glorifying my youth, but still!)

i spent two afternoons in provo doing the one thing that allowed me to fully enjoy all of my people.

i ate all the food!

actually, i had quite an ambitious list of places i wanted to eat,

and i barely scratched the surface.

that's what this summer is for.

first stop: sammy's

sammy's is famous for their pie shakes. 

like they put a piece of pie and some soft serve in a cup and blend it up.

one time i had a pineapple cheesecake one that was pretty yum.

but generally it's just the novelty, so i usually just take a bite of hannah's.

cause sammy's is kind of our spot.

and she always has coupons.

i usually get the chicken poly style sandwich, which is amazing,

and i used to get the battered fries and die of happiness/clogged arteries, but then they got rid of them.

so now i just get me a sammy's sammy and one of the fancy sodas they have.

please appreciate how we are the same.

i love this girl.

she was telling me about some research that shows that after 7 years of friendship, people generally stick together.

and then we realized this is our 7th year!

happy almost anniversary sweet cheeks! we made it!

second stop (not pictured): guru's

whenever i needed time to myself, i would get a waldorf salad to go (blue cheese, not vinaigrette) and eat it in the parking lot across the street from the temple. sometimes i sat on the grass, but bugs/snow. 

anyway, obviously the waldorf salad is my fave, but sometimes i'll also order a cup of the mulligatawny cause it's incredible, and it helps to have a friend with you who orders a giant sweet potato fry to share.

pro tip: enliten bakery & cafe next door is a prime place to study/eat croissants/drink tea. you won't regret it.

third stop: saigon

this place is only a little scary, but one of the best kept secrets. $6 SPECIAL COMBINATIONS! i try to always get something different, because it's all delicious and all equally bad for you. you get soup, an egg roll, and your main and rice. comfort food at its finest.

also, free delivery on orders over $15.

they have one big party table that has a lazy susan on it, so we tried taking a panoramic.

it worked well...

usually they are super fast and we hang out forever,

but this time i was actually on my way out of town and in a bit of a hurry,

and it took two hours!

we sat there for 45 minutes before they even took our order.

but it worked out because i really just needed to be with these kids.

places i have to hit next time:

cubby's (still haven't been!)

slab pizza

jdawgs, duh

sodalicious

and more. but this is getting depressing.